first blog

so i didnt have a clue about blogspot til a friend told me to go read her blogs so i did. and i figured i might as well make myself one seeing as how writing is therapeutic (spelling?) for me a lot of times. anyway, cerealbowl is kinda odd i know but its the first thing i thought of aannndd breakfast is the most important meal of the day and writing is important to me so blah blah.... i called it cerealbowl cause i can. good enough?

when i write a lot of times i just ramble, fair warning.

tonight has been one of those nights that i have sometimes that i really hate. my mind gets flooded with negativity,confusion,dissapointment,complete pessimism,alone-ness, and all that fun stuff. it used to happen a good bit then it stopped for quite a while and now its pickin up again. i know its straight up the devil. thats what he does. all those characteristics are traits of teh devil so i have no doubt its him attacking me on nights like this. see i like to be in control most of the time if not all the time. driving and all that stuff not so much but if it has to do with me and my life and my well being, i like to be filled in on whats going on and whats coming up. right now im at a point where im kinda whirlwinded and its mostly if not totally my fault buut im here now no going back so we just deal with it. if i didnt mention i hate nights like this one was going. if something has the chance of being amazingly good i usually think its gonna be amazingly bad. like i think the awesome things that happen to everybody else are just that. happening to everybody else. theres been a war in my head ever since im starting to understand freedom i have from God through Christ and the simplicity of coming to Him like a child. if youve never thought about it a child is completely dependant on their parent. they look to them for everything. they dont try to provide for themselves. they dont work for themselves. they dont do anything to help their parent out. their parent doesnt NEED their help but they sure do WANT it. not out of need though just because that shows love. i try to live my life by that. come to God as a child, not someone independant. its nearly polar opposite of what the world says. the world says do for yourself. look out for you. be an independant person. God says look to me. Depend on me. Lean on me. God didnt put you on this earth to suffer. just wanted to throw that out there for you as much as for myself. but back to what i was saying about nights like tonight. satan will come at me with whatever he pleases. spiritual warfare is real and if you dont think so its because youre on the wrong side. theres no reason for the devil to attack the people hes already got. i dont know if everything i have said has made ANY sense to anybody but me but this is the bad in a nutshell. satan attacks me with those things i listed at the get go. i start to hate everything and mainly myself. it goes away when i realize the real deal. now.

the awesome part straight from God.

tonight right when i was just ughhhh my phone rang so i jogged on in the room to answer it cause i like to be here wheneevr somebody calls. im not a hard to get kinda person. well it was my boy blewster. i love this guy til the world aint around and even past that. hes my accountability partner but hes just an amzing guy that encourages me and is obedient to God. well he definitely was tonight cause i picked up the phone and the first thing he said was "man i just wanted to tell you i love you. God loves you. and keep fighting. stay strong." well me being the tough guy i am broke down crying. i balled. it was kinda like what people say about when God speaks directly through other people when its harder to hear Him.

i cant shake this monkey off my back. he'll get taken to the woodshed by God but then not too much later he runs back at me and back on my back he is. i know i win. i know i have victory in Christ. this is a fact. but sometimes i feel like David did when he envied the wicked. he envied them but he also understood their end. my end is glory but my road is tough. God carries me because my strength is never enough. He's all i need but sometimes He's not all i want. its bad to say but its true. i want God to be what i always want but there are times the devil puts something in my face and my focus is shifted but its only momentarily. God keeps me coming back. what can i say, im hooked.

sometimes i get worreid and get the mindset of "I'm a Christian. I'm supposed to suffer for being a Christian. I shouldn't have anything good." weeeellll. thats a lie. true, we may be persecuted for being a Christian but my Jesus died for me to live an abundant life. we should feel way blessed b/c we are only slightly persecuted in the U.S. right now if persecuted at all.

God is an amazing God. i would trade it all to continually feel His arms around me. there is NO feeling like that. to be sittin in His lap. theres a song that says, "i wanna sit at Your feet, drink from the cup in Your hand. lay back against You and breathe, feel Your heartbeat. Your love is so deep, its more than i can stand. i melt in Your peace, it's overwhelming" that just oozes the intimacy God wants with us and i love it. im finding out that God doesnt always give you what you want. He gives us what we need. He may throw some extras in there but its only the things we can handle and He knows we can handle. if you have a problem with gambling, chances are God won't give you forty million bucks. you get what im saying. im done rambling though, if youve read this much, thanks for being that concerned about me. it means a lot really.

persevere. word of the day.

love and be love. thats whats up.

-andrew